Last week was a heinous week. Like the kind of week that makes you want to never go to work again, stay home in your pajamas, not comb your hair, and eat cocoa pebbles for every meal. You see, I got my exam results on Monday and I did not pass…for the 6th time. My original post was going to talk about that, but seriously, there isn’t much else to say about it, so why would you want to read about it? So I thought about it…and said shit, there is a reason why I keep taking this test over and over….and it’s because I love what I do. So what have I learned these past eight years on the job that I can use to keep it moving? Read on…..
Kids don’t lie. Now a bunch of you out there are probably saying ‘um, she knows not of what she speaks!’ But seriously, hear me out. It’s not the type of situation where a kid does some random shit and they cover their ass…hell, half the adults I know do that. I’m talking about their way of just looking at you and saying ‘you look like a mess’ when you totally do. It’s that kid who won’t eat yogurt because they say and looks and smells like throw up. It’s going into session and asking them what’s wrong and they say ‘I don’t want to talk right now’. It’s that same kid a week later saying ‘I misbehaved because….’. They say what is on their mind and haven’t learned how to fear being vulnerable just yet.
They don’t care what other people think about what they like. You ever hang out with a kid that plays with Legos and they build something that makes you say ‘Dayyyyyyyyym!’? Ever meet a kid who will wear a Spider-Man shirt every single day for two weeks because they are convinced its the coolest shirt on the planet? I played construction worker every week over the course of two years with a kid who was homeless since the day he was born. And I can’t forget the kid who wore purple for a whole year bc their favorite singer mentioned that was their favorite color. They don’t always need a logical reason to do something; they just do it. It makes sense to them….and that’s all that matters.
They keep it simple. Kraft macaroni and cheese is gourmet to them. Why won’t they eat broccoli? That’s easy…because it smells like a fart when it cooks. Classical music is limited to sleeping or Bugs Bunny cartoons (and that is vintage to them). You want to tap dance but you have no tap shoes? No problem…throw some crackers on the floor, put on your best shoes, and tap your heart away. The opposite sex has cooties, siblings are for tormenting, and a day off is meant for playing. Simplicity at its finest.
Kids are hopeful and truly believe in the impossible. They hope to get that bike for Christmas because they behaved since September. They want that video game because they got a good report card. They believe their parents won’t punish them even though they have thoroughly persuaded their younger sibling, with concrete evidence, that they are indeed a vampire. They believe in wishing on stars, playing tag with no bases, and not putting away their toys because they are convinced they will suffocate. They don’t just believe in magic… they make it happen.
Since I didn’t pass my test, I have to go and I’ve got until December 31 to find a new job. Initially it seemed like a clusterfuck…studying for this exam again and looking for a new job…..talk about stressful. But I’m motivated and I have learned a lot that I’m taking with me.
I’ve learned not to lie to myself. Although I banked on being licensed, I probably should have looked for a new job a while ago.
It’s ok to be vulnerable…and truth be told you have to be a little vulnerable to work with kids. That, in itself, is being fearless.
I have to remember that sometimes I have to play just for the sake of having fun. That’s the best way to get rid of stress.
Sometimes it’s best to keep things simple in the here and now….so as not to complicate things for yourself later.
So maybe right now life feels a little bit like I’m playing tag with no bases. The cool thing about being grown is I can yell ‘Do Over!!!’ and figure out how to make it work. Alas, that is the power of magical thinking and that everything is exactly as it should be.
ShrinkMuch 